Welcome back, degenerates, dreamers, and data-heads!

It's Thursday, June 19th, and the off-season never disappoints when it comes to delivering fresh doses of absurdity. While the grass might be greener on the practice fields, the real action is happening in courtrooms, back channels, and the minds of perpetually sweating coaches.

This newsletter is for anyone who's tired of recycled takes, boring breakdowns, and the same 3 teams getting all the love. Whether you're deep into college fantasy, living for upsets, or just need smarter game-day picks, we've got you covered.

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Fourth & Long: Off-Season Oddities & Overreactions

The money is flying (or, well, it's supposed to be), the coaches are being ranked (and implicitly mocked), and the portal never sleeps. Grab your beverage of choice, because this week's phantom football headlines are particularly juicy.

The Great Payout Delay: Lawyers Win Round One (Again)

Remember that monumental House v. NCAA settlement we cheered for last week, finally ushering in the era of direct player payments? Well, hold your horses (and your Venmo requests). While the $2.8 billion settlement itself was approved, the actual direct payments to athletes, set to begin July 1st, have now been delayed. Why? Because eight female athletes filed an appeal, citing Title IX concerns. So, the good news is, direct payment is coming. The bad news is, it's stuck in legal limbo for now. Our snarky take: the only thing more consistent than SEC dominance is lawyers getting paid first. The "new era" might be here, but it's still running on NCAA time – which is to say, frustratingly slow and prone to unexpected detours. Don't worry, the money will flow eventually... to someone.

CFP Schedule Squabbles: The SEC's Endless Game of "Will They or Won't They?"

The College Football Playoff expanded, the money piled up, and now the conferences are back to their favorite pastime: squabbling over schedules like toddlers fighting over the last cookie. Specifically, the SEC is still locked in an agonizing game of "chicken" over whether to commit to an 8-game or a 9-game conference schedule for the expanded playoff era. Coaches, bless their practical hearts, overwhelmingly prefer the 5+11 model (5 power conference games + 11 total teams in a 16-team playoff), which means a slightly lighter conference load. Meanwhile, the administrators are probably just trying to figure out which option maximizes TV revenue and minimizes commissioner headaches. It's an annual debate that proves college football prioritizes profit over common sense, while still somehow making it all work. The chaos is the point.

Coaching Royalty & Hot Seat Headaches: The Annual Rank-and-File Debates

Ah, June. The time of year when every sports analyst with a keyboard releases their definitive "Top 25 Coaches" ranking for the upcoming season. The debates rage on: Is Nick Saban still the GOAT (even in retirement)? Who's overrated? Who's suspiciously low despite winning a title? The truth is, these rankings are mostly for clicks and arguments at the water cooler. But they do serve as a fun reminder of who's truly established and who's desperately trying to keep their seat warm. Speaking of warm seats, spare a thought for coaches entering their second year. The honeymoon is officially over. Guys like Curt Cignetti (Indiana), Manny Diaz (Duke), and yes, even Kalen DeBoer (Alabama) are heading into "defining campaigns." They’ve had a year to get their feet wet; now it's sink or swim time. The pressure is on, even in summer.

Transfer Portal Triumphs & Trials: Who Actually "Won" the Off-Season?

The dust has largely settled on the transfer portal, but the analysis is just beginning. Everyone wants to know: which teams truly "won" the off-season lottery, and which key transfers are expected to swing College Football Playoff hopes? Teams like LSU (loading up on defense), Oregon (bolstering their O-line and RBs), and Texas Tech (improving pass defense) are getting high marks for their portal hauls. It’s the ultimate "build your team on the fly" strategy, and some additions are genuinely game-changers. But remember, a superstar transfer on paper doesn't always translate to immediate chemistry or wins. The portal giveth, and the portal can taketh away... usually through an unexpected locker room drama or a coach who can't integrate new pieces. Only time (and a few brutal hits) will tell who truly came out on top.

That's it for another dispatch from the gridiron's dark underbelly. We hope you enjoyed the ride, the snark, and perhaps even learned something. Stay tuned for our next issue, where we'll continue to expose the truths and absurdities of college football.

Until then, may your mascots be mighty and your bets be bold.

The Betting the Mascots Team

P.S. The newsletter drops every Thursday. Move us to your primary inbox so you don’t miss the madness.

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